Due to some oh so inspiring experiences lately…some of my personal dont’s:

• So how do you have sex…I mean do you like use something?

Ignorance is just so not bliss in this case. While having a sex talk with my hetero girlfriends’ one of them launched this question at me. It was semi-awkward to be asked if I used sex toys as opposed to them all just sharing about their sex lives without probing questions…but yeah…hmm…maybe try to just let me share with comfort vs questioning.

• “Oh, did you know my aunt married a woman?”

Being pulled into a conversation between my two friends (that I had nothing to do with) because my friend vocalized that her aunt married a woman…but then got a divorce was an interesting experience. Especially given the fact that there was absolutely no way I would have known that tidbit about her family nor do I feel persona
lly validated by the information. There seems to be this idea that I just know all lesbians within a six degree of separation to me. I felt like answering, “Actually no, I didn’t see her name registered on the website of lesbians of the tri-state area.” Contrary to popular belief we don’t all know each other nor do we feel special with knowledge of lesbians in your family.

• I totally didn’t know you were dealing with that (homophobia) on a daily basis.

While my friends are wonderful and for the most part open without question they sometimes do not understand or recognize their privilege. We all are privileged in different ways and I know it takes time to acknowledge them, but the feeling of being further minimized is frustrating. Take a minute to check the reality of heterosexism – it’s alive and well.

• Refer to her as “the lesbian” or “your lesbian friend”

There is nothing that frustrates me more than being minimized and labeled by my sexuality. I don’t identify my friends as you know I met her in college, brown hair, tall….the straight one. That is just not how it works. Please don’t qualify my existence by some stereotype you have that you think sums me up. It is not okay under any circumstances.

• Can you kiss her for me? Use tongue.

This was asked of my girlfriend and I at a party less than a week ago. The ultimate don’t goes to the disgusting, perverted requests that lesbians get on a daily basis. We do not exist for your amusement or pleasure. We are human. Lesbian is not a sex act.

That’s all for now…comment and share if you agree with any of these ❤ Tell me about your experiences ❤