What makes two people come together? Surely, the world tells us from our youngest age that that is our goal, to find love. Well maybe not love, but a companionship of some kind. We search for this love that we know not the definition. It is this indescribable melding of passions. A masterpiece in its own right and we, not even one of us, have any way to define it in just one all-encompassing statement. It is not universal, but subjective, meaning something different to each person that holds it. The wonder of it and something truly magical is when you find someone with a similar definition to your own. That is really all we want. We want someone who is going to match us, someone who is going to will us to succeed, push us to our best, and catch us when we fall; non-judgmentally. We want this symbiotic relationship — one with equal amounts of give and take — one where when that balance is disrupted, or unequal, it is not true and we can distinguish the difference. We want the person who is going to care for us, that will watch our journey through this world. Someone to tell us I see you. You are here. You are mine.
I sit here staring at the woman of my dreams while she sleeps unaware of the impact that her body next to me has. She is a woman formed of my opposites. She is a woman who is my contrary counterpart, possessing the qualities that I lack…and if I am being honest, the qualities that I know I can never possess. These differences lead to struggle. They lead to a never ending, always evolving conflict between who we are as individuals and who we are becoming united, as one. It is that moment when you feel it. That moment when you say, okay, this is it, she is the one, that is the moment you must truly, and unselfishly, compromise. We must recognize the differences, celebrate them if we can, and find the sweetness in between. Find the parts that bring you that feeling, that indescribable feeling of love, of something worth fighting for every minute of every day — even when it is difficult – even when it seems completely insurmountable. It is those moments that make or break us – that leave us with this yearning to succeed, to resolve the past and move forward in our shared future.
It is my sincerest belief that this type of love cannot be felt without an understanding of one’s self; without a proper and complete recognition of your power as an individual. The saying goes that you cannot truly love someone until you love yourself. I believe this to be completely fact. It is at the basis of our relationships. Our own self-love and understanding forms and nourishes our ability to appreciate and love another person so completely. To embrace someone else’s flaws as we embrace our own.
So when I talk about the power that the woman I love has just by being next to me, dreaming away, it is that I can recognize that she feels safe with me, that she feels calm with me, and that she can rest easily knowing that no matter what I will be here, standing by her side, fighting for our love because at the end of the day no argument, disagreement, or misunderstanding can stop me from loving her. No conflict can negate the world we have built together. No one else’s definition can subtract from our own melding of passion, our own tenderness, support, and ability to be our truest selves without fear of abandonment.
These are ramblings on love, small thoughts that together I hope make sense. Thoughts that I hope people can relate to, if only in passing, if only for a moment.