I know it has been an intensely long time since my last post. I had a really roller coaster summer and between searching for jobs and dealing with some emotional stuff I was more focused on journaling than blogging. The truth is I am still struggling with striking the balance on this blog. It is a little bit of everything…with that though comes the need for reflection.
Therapist is not only my profession it is a part of who I am. I process a lot of things on a daily basis. Some may say I over process things, but for me it is such an integral step of my day to day that I do it because it is the one way I know I won’t turn away from a struggle or obstacle. I try to allow myself to understand and feel my way through things that happen in life. Thankfully, now that I have been at my new job for about a week I feel like I have some breathing room again. This summer was trying and there were points where I lost myself a little bit. I felt inbetween a lot of things — a continuous battle to understand where certain relationships in my life were headed and being seriously honest with myself about where I really want them to go based on their current state.
In the past I have been ashamed of who I am and I feel that I have worked hard to come to a point where I am comfortable with myself. I know my experience and I understand how it has impacted where I stand today. That being said it is never easy to face loss. Loss of my job, loss of friendships, and loss of key support systems…no matter what the loss it can take a hold of anyone to the point where they lose sight of everything they still have. That is exactly what was happening for me and as I have gone through the process of grieving those loses (still am in the process if I am being honest) I have been able to reacknowledge the things I do have.
I know that it has been a long time since I have written here, but I am ready to get back into it. I am ready to continue down this path and remember why I began this blog in the first place. It is a celebration of my life- all aspects of it. If this summer has taught me anything it is that we, as humans, can never put more stock in others or things than we put stock in ourselves and our own growth. We must celebrate each day not only for the good things that happen, but for our resilience and our ability to overcome obstacles and stay standing despite the loss or prejudice we face.
This blog may seem inconsequential to others, but it is an important part of me that I do not want to give up. I’m ready to continue loving life and really live everything because everything, even the pain, I’ve come to realize, has value and yields growth.