lost

I very genuinely used to believe in the innate goodness of people. I was so wrong. I was imagining that people were basically good. I mean of course we would have our bad apples from time to time – but ultimately we are good at heart. I have come to realize that this is definitely not the case. I have tried to analyze, process, and bond over shared sadness with coworkers, but it is of no use. Not all people are good. Not all people care that your well-being is taken care of. Not all people can look at your happiness and smile without the slightest of jealousy.

Here I stand – trapped in another toxic work environment. Trapped because of my licensure status, the fact that I have moved jobs so frequently and just the general fear of going broke. I am trapped in a routine that I despise. I mean can we all just acknowledge how crappy it is to get up every morning to go to a place where you know you are going to be treated like shit?! And this, ultimately, is the real kicker…I have this guilt because I was so lucky. I had every opportunity laid in front of me and still — I sit here at 26 years old (nearly 27) and think what am I doing? Why am I subjecting myself day after day to a horrible environment where I am treated like trash?

I miss the passion I used to have for this profession. I really just miss that feeling of fulfillment and I am wondering how I can get it back.

How can I feel something again?