boundless

i looked across the room and you were there
your hair is down –
the way I like it,
small, tight,
powerful curls flow around your face

you look at me
and my eyes widened
i paused –
there,
the room filled with shadows
i could only see you
and you me –

the world disappears around you

and the way the light follows only you –
a glow, thick around you body –
brilliant
as you make your way to me
is magic

you come slowly
your steps small,
seductive,
mysterious in their intensity
longing for you
i rise –
my heart pounding
unable to move forward
i stand here
waiting for you

lingering sensations fill my body
your touch,
your breath upon my skin,
your moan

images of last night dance around my brain
chaotic flashes
pieces that leave me wanting –
craving
you

you’re closer now
and my heart beats quicker
pulling me forward

face to face
your eyes burrow into me
the deepest parts of my soul unravel
and suddenly
the images
that ravage my every thought
and cause me total loss of ability
silence

in that moment
face to face
skin apart,
clothed,
breathless

you had all of me

beyond the physical boundaries of our bodies
you held my heart,
my light,
the essence of my everlasting spirit

safe

at last
there –
in yours
our hearts together
for eternity –
limitless
in this new peace
our very own infinity
floating above the constraints of our society
in the true and boundless manifestation of destiny

02. 2016

hola :)

“Tan absurdo y fugaz es nuestro paso por el mundo,
que solo me deja tranquila el saber que he sido auténtica,
que he logrado ser lo más parecido a mí misma que he podido” – Frida Kahlo

This quote pretty much sums up everything about me and how I try every single day to be as true to myself as possible. Sometimes it is really hard. For those of you who do not understand Spanish this quote by the incredibly inspirational Frida Kahlo says: So absurd and fleeting is our passage through the world, that it only leaves me calm the knowledge that I’ve been genuine, I’ve managed to be the closest thing to myself that I have been able to.

Sometimes I falter. There are boundaries to my job – things that I cannot say. Things that I would love to tell these kids to help them manage their feelings – to help them see that it really does get better. I would love to tell them my experiences – show them that it really will be okay. As someone who came out late in my life, meaning 23, and for some that may not seem late, but I knew when I was in 2nd grade, so it’s late to me. I knew I liked girls, a lot, and never thought about boys. All my friends would be talking about boys and dating and I would be noticing my girlfriends’ smiles and the way their hair flowed and fell across their faces. When I think back on it now (25) I can see the signs. I remember being in 4th or 5th grade and my Catechism teacher (CCD for those raised Roman Catholic) and thinking she was sooooo beautiful. I used to think I wanted to be like these girls. As if the feelings I was having were of admiration. It was not until I was in high school – really college that I even opened up to myself that this is what I wanted.

I think about a lot of decisions I made and a lot of the men I dated and find myself just sighing, honestly. There was really nothing wrong with these guys – the majority were nice, intelligent, sweet men, but it just never fit completely. I never felt 100% myself with any of them – no matter how hard I tried. So yeah, when I sit here and write this and just take my current life in it gives me so much happiness and feelings of authenticity that I just want to jump around and scream!!

So here I am – a 25 year-old, lesbian, therapist/writer living with the love of my life with our Chihuahua, lily and our cat, hazel. I am actually doing what I went to school to do (as stressful as it is) and I am out to my whole family and live my life out and proud. I have lost some people along the way. Some of my family has distanced themselves and some friendships have strained, but, I am here. I am living. I am breathing. I am my truest self. Always.

There is really nothing more I can ask for in my life…well yanno aside from the US government forgiving all student loans…haha – yeah right! In all sincerity money and the stress of it is nothing when you can look around and smile at the people and the experiences in your life. This blog is going to be just that. It is going to be an appreciation and sometimes a rant about my very confusing, beautiful, hectic, and wonderful life with the woman of my dreams.

love